That “BIG BOY” physical
OK, it’s time. You need to get a physical. And not just any physical, but the all invasive, turn your head to the left and cough, physical. And because we Men are getting older, it really should be a Doctor of Urology. This is a specific Doctor who only deals with a specific area… The Belly Button to Thighs area. Sure like most Medical Doctors or “MD’s” this Doctor will do the old “Turn your head to the left please… Cough…” exam. But, they will also ask you to turn around and grab the cushion, so they can check your prostrate.
Personally, I never liked these exams. I feel violated, they never offer you a drink or a cigarette when they are through. And then I’m left alone, vulnerable and slathered in Axle grease. It was during my latest such physical, when the Doctor pointed at my belly button and asked “Do you have an in-y or an out-y?” I replied that I had an “in-y” and bent my head down to look to be sure. The Doctor looked at me and said “Well then, you got a Hernia too. You’re going to have to see this Doctor (as he handed me a small prescription note), and see about getting that fixed. AND.. You have a small prostrate.” Hum…, Small prostrate.. I let that sink in, then I said “Well, that’s good! …Isn’t it?”
“Nope. A small prostrate will mean your body is not producing enough testosterone. Your immune system is not working right. Your body is not working right, chemicals are unbalanced and you’ll have some pretty bad mood swings. I can help correct that. I’ll need a blood test, (Needles… DAMN! I Hate Needles) to be sure, But you will need surgery to correct your Hernia.”
It turns out I did in-fact have low testosterone, but just slightly below the cut off point. But I also had two Hernia’s not just one. One the lower Hernia in the groin, was very serious. The other, visible because it turned my “in-y” into an “out-y,” was kind of a sympathy Hernia to the first. In the PRE-Surgery exam, that Doctor asked me how I was able to walk. The lower Hernia should have left me with a huge manuverability difficulty, not to mention in a great deal of pain. All I could do was shrug my shoulders and say that I never knew I had the Hernia’s and, I never knew they were supposed to hurt.
DUMB, really dumb. Had the lower Hernia ripped the muscles any more then it had, my lower intestines would have spilled into my groin area.
Gentlemen, start getting that physical early! And do it every few years. For example, Commercial Pilots need to do it every year, some even every 6 Months. Learn just for fun, the lyrics to “Moon River.” And when the Doctor says to you “OK, please turn around, bend over, and place your hands on the examining bed.” Start signing, you can even take the time to ask the Doctor to jump in any where he can. It will make your visit go a whole lot smoother.
NO PUN Intended.